If I had not had the wisdom 13 years ago to ask for a separation and the grace 11 years ago to agree to a divorce, today would be my 25th wedding anniversary.
For many years, this date hurt. It reminded me of the hopes I’d had for life and the failures small and large I made in that relationship. As I wrote my morning pages today, I realized that the times of hurt were about my embarrassment and sorrow at failing. I was, after all, a straight A student. I rarely failed.
I also recognized that I no longer have those feelings. Oh, I failed, all right. I’m not letting myself off the hook.
But here’s the thing. Those failings caused me to examine so much: my values, my goals, my desires. They caused me to figure out who I want to be.
And those failings gave me freedom to find not only myself, but a partnership grounded in loyalty, strong communication, and deep devotion.
Today, I have no feelings of sorrow, only gratitude. Those 14 years shaped me, yet these last 11 years have been crucial to my entire identity. I’m so glad I can see the value of failure, the freedom that comes with saying “that didn’t work. I’ll evaluate why and make changes for my next endeavor.” By failing at something large, I’ve learned not to fear failing at anything smaller.
Tell me your own story of failure leading to freedom, will you?
