I tell my creative writing students that they should be envious. They should seek out the moments in the stories, essays, poems we read when they feel that ugly emotion, notice it, and then dig into the work to understand what they envy.
It’s how my writing teachers trained me to read. Reading this way means I will always have writing mentors, and they will be at my finger tips night and day.
There’s a different kind of envy, one that feels less useful: professional envy.
Lately I’ve felt it when I
- get a rejection email the same day a friend gets an acceptance
- notice a less experienced blogger has a higher subscription number than I do
- am passed over for promotion
- fail to get a grant
Envy is ugly. Today as I felt it, felt myself spinning into a dark place of telling myself nothing I do is good enough, I paused.
What if I treated professional envy the same way I was trained to treat writerly envy?
What if, instead of feeling ugly, I could find a way to feel hopeful?
What if I
- ask friends with recent acceptances to share their submission strategies?
- use my blogging experiences to write more guest posts and meet new subscribers?
- write about my experiences as contingent faculty?
- create a spreadsheet with upcoming application deadlines, similar to Liana’s 5-yr writing Excel sheet
A conversation on Twitter gave me some ideas, too:
- Dig in to compete with myself more
- Focus on my accomplishments and allow myself to feel proud
- Quiet my mind with deep breaths
- Don’t compare my inside to someone else’s outside
- Revel in my awesome
- If all else fails, bake
I suspect a lot of creative professionals feel similar envy. I strive to lift up my friends, to celebrate their triumphs, and I’ll continue to do so. Starting today, I’ll also acknowledge my professional envy and harness it to help me achieve my own dreams.
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Amen, Bev! I think it’s totally normal to feel the envy, but it’s how you choose to deal with it that makes the difference.
You’re right, Allegra! The movement from envy to productive action is vital!
Hear hear! One thing I do is save notes from knitters who like my patterns to re-read at a later date if I’m feeling down. I guess that’s like “Revel in my awesome” right?
Becky, that’s a brilliant idea!
Oh God, I feel envy all the time. It happened to me just yesterday when I learned a fellow writer was getting his novel published. Never mind that mine already got published, I still felt envy. I think all envy stems from the false feeling that we’re not enough and dealing with that is probably a lifelong spiritual pursuit. Though I think it gets easier as you actively work with it. And speaking of being active, your strategies are great precisely for that reason. Great topic, great post.
Charlotte, you’ve nailed part of my problem: I rarely feel I have done enough. Understanding what IS enough is important! Thanks for your comment!
Yes, absolutely. Envy is such a destructive emotion, I try to replace it with curiosity as often as I can.
I’m with you, Teri. I prefer curiosity! I hate feeling the uglier envy!
I love this post, Beverly. I love the way you’re . . . taking ENVY out, to play with it for awhile. Such a strong way to handle a strong (and potentially devastating) emotion. Beautiful.