Probably not. I mean, I don’t have kids, and anyone with kids automatically trumps me.
This post has been brewing in my brain for a while now. I’ve noticed lately that there seems to be a secret competition for many of us (go ahead, tell me not to include you. I know I’m generalizing. It’s wrong of me.) to have the biggest list of tasks of anyone, ever.
I know I’ve been feeling mighty burdened the last few weeks, and I’ll continue to feel the same way for another month. Then my life will free up, and something else will fill the void. I recently responded to an e-mail from someone I know pretty well by saying that I didn’t know how I was going to manage to get the four tasks done that had to be finished by a certain deadline. In reply, that person gave me a detailed account of just how much was on his to do list. Over and over I see this in play. The kind side of me thinks, well, we all just want a little empathy. We all feel overwhelmed. The not-so-kind side, which has emerged this week due to hormones and fear of deadlines that I’m not sure I can meet, says WTF?
At one point in my life I seriously considered selling my co-op and renting a room because I was so rarely at home. I’ve made it a point, along with a lot of coaching from Neal, to free up my life. I’ve surprised myself with the things that seemed so vital to my To Do list that, actually, I was able to let go. Arguments can be made, from myself to myself, even, that all of the items on my list are there by choice. Even the kid card is a choice, one that I have decided to refrain from. Arguments could be made, too, that these are vital things that MUST be done. But isn’t that because a choice was made?
Truthfully, I don’t even know what I’m getting at, but you’ve been nice enough to suffer through the mess I’ve created. All I know is that I’m really tired of feeling like, when I mention things I have to do, others must one-up me or dismiss me. After all, I’m just spending my time making up stories. And I don’t have kids. I’m lucky. I have all the time in the world, right?
Here’s what I want to try to take away from this crankiness: I’m going to strive to be empathetic to those people who share their weighty lists with me. I’m not going to one up them, nor am I going to bring up my list. If I can’t stand the pressure of that list, I need to pare it down, and no one really cares about that except for me.
Thank you for putting up with my fussy little episode of the mean reds. It will pass. One way or another, things will get done, I’ll feel less stressed, and I’ll be able to be kinder. Until then, don’t ask what I’ve been doing. I don’t want to get started!
If I could take stuff off your list for you, I would and if I can, then just ask!
We love you – mean reds and all!
P.S. Thanks for the email and that attachment – we’re honored!
My “to do” list usually has knitting some place on it so that I can at least take a little joy from it. And it always has “grade papers” listed so I don’t even know why I bother listing that. For some people, competition will come in any form, including the work we have to do, which seems utterly silly and kind of sad.
You’re right about the kid card . . . it is a choice but it usually trumps every other. Hang in there, Bev. It will be official spring soon.
Don’t forget an important to-do for today–go running and work out those mean reds!!
I feel ya. There’s “to do,” and then there’s “TO DO.” And there’s home to do, and work to do, and life to do, and you can’t have a conversation with anyone without hearing how “busy” they are. Beats the alternative, hey? Just keep chipping away. The urgent stuff will get done because that’s how you are.
I always think that is a very American thing to do. Like a twisted new version of keeping up with the Joneses.
feh
A couple of observations:
There is no reason or way to adequately compare “to-do” lists, whether one has children or not. What is overwhelming to one is a cake walk another, but that doesn’t mean that the person who is overwhelmed is somehow less able to cope because of it. My growing up was tough – and people will say “Oh, you had it so tough, I can’t imagine blah blah blah” and my response is always the same – I would never assume my life was either harder or easier than anyone else’s because there is simply no way to compare. If you had a stable home, with two loving parents, and no major financial worries, then something that happened to you that might have seemed trivial to me might have been a major upheaval to you – and you’d be right – for you, in your circumstances, it was, and a comparison of two different circumstances is ultimately petty and unsatisfying.
Regarding choice: I am right there with you – everything we do is a choice. I often tell my husband that doing nothing in a given situation is a choice as much as anything else.
And sometimes the best choice is just to embrace the mean reds, knowing that the universe seeks balance, and ultimately everything will feel right as rain again.
xo
I never really understood the one-up mentality when it comes to anything. It’s good to get it all out and even to hear what others have going. Sometimes, it gives perspective, and other times, it’s just good/bad to know that we’re all losing footing. Look at what you have to do — is there anything that you can drop, that can wait or that can be “farmed out” (laundry). Just remember to stop, breathe and breathe some more.